thecellopirate
iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH
WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS
I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT
FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS


rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF
I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.


i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE
I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.
IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER
0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

image

THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

image

rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

image

IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

image

i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

20billioncats

Put a number in my ask, cuties!

  • 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
  • 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
  • 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
  • 4) What do you think about most?
  • 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say?
  • 6) Do you sleep with ____ or without ______ on?
  • 7) What's your strangest talent?
  • 8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence)
  • 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
  • 10) When is the last time you played the air guitar?
  • 11) Do you have any strange phobias?
  • 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?
  • 13) What's your religion?
  • 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
  • 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
  • 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
  • 17) What was the last lie you told?
  • 18) Do you believe in karma?
  • 19) What does your URL mean?
  • 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
  • 21) Who is your celebrity crush?
  • 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping?
  • 23) How do you vent your anger?
  • 24) Do you have a collection of anything?
  • 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
  • 26) Are you happy with the person you've become?
  • 27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
  • 28) What's your biggest "what if"?
  • 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
  • 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
  • 31) Smell the air. What do you smell?
  • 32) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
  • 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast?
  • 34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
  • 35) To you, what is the meaning of life?
  • 36) Define Art.
  • 37) Do you believe in luck?
  • 38) What's the weather like right now?
  • 39) What time is it?
  • 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
  • 41) What was the last book you read?
  • 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?
  • 43) Do you have any nicknames?
  • 44) What was the last movie you saw?
  • 45) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
  • 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly?
  • 47) Do you have any obsessions right now?
  • 48) What's your sexual orientation?
  • 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
  • 50) Do you believe in magic?
  • 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
  • 52) What is your astrological sign?
  • 53) Do you save money or spend it?
  • 54) What's the last thing you purchased?
  • 55) Love or lust?
  • 56) In a relationship?
  • 57) How many relationships have you had?
  • 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
  • 59) Where were you yesterday?
  • 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
  • 61) Are you wearing socks right now?
  • 62) What's your favorite animal?
  • 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
  • 64) Where is your best friend?
  • 65) Spit or swallow?(;
  • 66) What is your heritage?
  • 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
  • 68) What do you think is Satan's last name?
  • 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
  • 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
  • 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
  • 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
  • 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love.
  • 74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
  • 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
  • 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
  • 77) How can I win your heart?
  • 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
  • 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
  • 80) What size shoes do you where?
  • 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
  • 82) What is your favorite word?
  • 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.
  • 84) What is a saying you say a lot?
  • 85) What's the last song you listened to?
  • 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
  • 87) What is your current desktop picture?
  • 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
  • 89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
  • 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
  • 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
  • 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
  • 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
  • 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
  • 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
  • 96) Do you have any relatives in jail?
  • 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car?
  • 98) Ever been on a plane?
  • 99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
  • 100) Give me your top 5 favorite blogs on Tumblr.

So my dad takes me out on a bike ride (my bike broke more than a year ago I was using my moms) in the woods. I’m barely staying up the whole time. At the end I go “I don’t know how you enjoy this I almost died like 5 times”

*rides over sand*

*bike tires slide out from under me*

*jumps off bike*

5 times

"6 times"

A. WHY MY LAST RELATIONSHIP ENDED.
We drifted apart, lost feelings
B. FAVORITE BAND.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, or Dean Martin
C. WHO I LIKE AND WHY I LIKE THEM.
My girlfriend because she’s cute, funny, likes the same fictional psychopaths as me, and is fantastic
D. HARDEST THING I’VE EVER BEEN THROUGH.
Umm high school? Idk
E. MY BEST FRIEND.
Andrew or Alison
F. MY FAVOURITE MOVIE.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
G. SEXUAL ORIENTATION.
Straight
H. DO I SMOKE/DRINK?
Noooooooooo no no that’s bad
I. HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
Nope
J. WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GET OLDER.
Engineer
K. RELATIONSHIP WITH MY PARENTS.
Casual, friendly
L. ONE OF MY INSECURITIES.
Making a good impression
M. VIRGIN OR NOT?
Yep
N. FAVOURITE PLACE TO SHOP AT?
Amazon, I don’t need to put on real pants
O. MY EYE COLOUR.
Brown
P. WHY I HATE SCHOOL.
Asshole kids
Q. RELATIONSHIP STATUS AS OF RIGHT NOW.
Very not single
R. FAVOURITE SONG AT THE MOMENT.
Gentle on my Mind
S. A RANDOM FACT ABOUT MYSELF.
Big history geek
T. AGE I GET MISTAKEN FOR.
16 maybe? Idk
U. WHERE I WANT TO BE RIGHT NOW.
With my girlfriend(:
V. LAST TIME I CRIED.
Can’t remember
W. CONCERTS I’VE BEEN TO.
Tom Petty, Jack Johnson, almost Dave Matthews (long story)
X. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF (…)?
I don’t know what this is asking
Y. DO YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE.
Already accepted and going on the 19th
Z. HOW ARE YOU?
Bored

m3n4gerie

m3n4gerie:

20billioncats:

20billioncats:

My crush has glasses but only wears contacts out in public so I’ve never seen him in them im so furious this must be changed immediately

UPDATE: we are now dating but i have still not seen the glasses, when will the madness end

His lenses are so thick like his prescription sucks. I might have a picture somewhere…

I hope this isn’t the part where bad pictures of me get on the internet